On Letting Go

Think backwards forwardly in order to achieve full nostalgic poignancy and bittersweet closure.

On Being Alone; On Coping With Loss

Lock yourself in the only bathroom. Paint your nails. Do at least 6 full coats. Dry them with cigarette smoke.



With every coat, think of an argument you've had. Paint over with a layer of apology.

On Finding Your Roots

Start with the biggest plant you see.

On Compromising

Foot on foot when it is cold.



Though putting your cold foot into the warm crotch of your sleeping partner is preferred to you, it is not to him. One must reach a compromise in order to sleep well and happy in winter times.

On Hide And Go Seek

Hide.



Become anxious when time has passed.



Come to the realization you've been forgotten again. Begin defense mechanisms.
Get comfortable and pretend you were never hiding in the first place. Re-title blog post to "On Utilizing Small Places".

On Reconstructing Selected Memories II

My friend Stephanie had never seen a sunset in her life. She was twenty. It was summer. I took her to the Victoria Bridge.

We watched the sunset.

On Reconstructing Selected Memories

Kristina, Ryan, and I went hiking in the green hills. It was rainy and everything was quiet and green.

We saw things move in the hills.



"Goats," said Kristina.



"Not goats," said Ryan. "Coyotes."

On Camouflaging People

They come out of no where.

On Waiting

Sit patiently.



Make a list of things to do that are easy to accomplish.



Cross off things as you do them. Each time, smile and feel confident.

On Instilling Terrific Fear Into Things

Invite the wind. Use the Force.



Use sparingly. They will never come back.

On Being Laid Off Part II

Make things make sense by putting order in it.

On Being Laid Off

Persue a new hobby

On Peering Through Windows

Find a Window.



Begin daydreams of different views.





Proceed for a while.

On Being Angry and Staying That Way

Things you will need:




What to do:

On Washing the Dishes While Contemplating Past Actions With Regret

Handle each item one at a time with utmost care.



Each item is a diplomat who can travel through the time space continuum to make amends for your past deeds.



Use a soft bristled brush for delicate cleaning of difficult objects.



Inspect each piece in natural bright light before continuing with another.

On How to Burn Water

Fill a large pot with water.



Place on stove and set fire setting on "High".



Call your mother, father, closest friend, relative, spouse, or significant other; and inform them that you have changed your sexual orientation, you are leaving everything behind, and are taking a new husband/wife/life partner that person has never met before. Follow up every question with a reciprocal question and fall into a twisting ontological discourse on desire and happiness.



Once you are done, your water should be fully burned.